Whether you are looking to rekindle the flame in your relationship or put some excitement back into your love life, it can be tough to feel confident when you have sexual anxiety.
It’s important to be open with your partner about your anxiety so that you can work together on a solution. Keeping these feelings bottled up will only make them worse.
1. Take a deep breath
Taking deep breaths can make a big difference when you’re feeling nervous about sex. The trick is to breathe in through your nose, and out through your mouth. The inhales help you relax and the exhales encourage genital arousal. Slow, steady breathing also helps you to remain calm and focused in the moment, which is critical for sexual performance.
If you’re dealing with sex anxiety, it’s important to talk about it with your partner. While it’s not their fault that you feel nervous, they should know so that they can be supportive and understanding. It’s also a great opportunity to have an open dialogue about what you both expect and want from each other in the bedroom.
If you’re not quite ready to bring up the topic, that’s fine too! Just be sure to check in with your partner regularly so that you’re on the same page about what you both want and need. This will help you avoid misunderstandings or miscommunications that can cause stress and tension in your relationship. And remember that the goal of sex is not necessarily sexual intercourse or orgasm – it’s about a deep and emotional connection with your partner.
2. Remind yourself that you’re not the only one who’s nervous
Feeling nervous about sex is normal, especially when it’s new. Try to remember that your partner is probably just as nervous as you are, and that she may even be more excited than you are!
Another way to remind yourself that you’re not alone is to talk about your nerves with your partner. Be sure to communicate in a non-accusatory manner, and don’t put pressure on yourself to get over the nerves quickly. This can backfire and make you more nervous!
Try to keep a journal of your feelings before, during, and after sex. Eventually, you’ll see patterns and learn what triggers your anxiety. If you can identify your triggers, then you can work on managing them.
If you’re still struggling with sexual anxiety, then it might be a good idea to consult with a sex therapist. They have experience working with a variety of mental health issues and can help you overcome your anxiety. They can also teach you techniques to increase the pleasure you get from sex. This can include foreplay, stroking, and other forms of intimacy that aren’t as obvious as intercourse.
3. Focus on your partner’s body
When you start checking out or thinking about something else, try focusing on your partner’s body and the sensations you’re both experiencing. This can help regulate your nervous system and focus your attention. It also helps you build connection and trust.
It’s important to communicate with your partner about sexual anxiety and what you’re feeling. Whether that’s during the pre-sex conversation or later in the experience, it can help them understand what’s happening and why you’re responding the way you are.
Having a supportive, non-judgmental partner who can listen and support you while you work through these emotions is essential. If your anxiety is related to trauma or abuse, therapy may be helpful as well. It’s also a good idea to explore other pathways to intimacy with your partner, like stroking each other’s arms or massages, so you can get used to touching and connecting without the pressure of sex. Eventually you may be ready to move to exploring erogenous zones together, but that’s not always the case. The key is figuring out what works for you and your partner.
4. Don’t overthink it
If you’re constantly thinking about your sexual performance, it’s hard to stay in the moment. Worries about whether you’re doing well enough, if your partner will like it, or even just what you might think or feel afterwards can all take your attention away from the experience.
It’s normal to have nervous thoughts, but if you let them take over, they can detract from the pleasure and enjoyment of sex. If you can, try to address those thoughts and push them aside. If you can’t push them aside, try to be honest with your partner about how you’re feeling.
Talking about your feelings with your partner is a great way to ease nerves. It can also help if you’re both on the same page about how things should progress—for example, if you know it takes time for you to orgasm, you may want to tell your partner that you need more foreplay. This will help you both feel more comfortable during the experience. You might find that talking about it makes you more confident, too.
5. Don’t get drunk
It is important not to get drunk before sex. Having one or two drinks before sex can help to relax, but being too drunk can be dangerous. Being drunk can affect your judgment, communication, and ability to give consent. If a person cannot give clear and informed consent, any sexual activity that occurs is considered sexual assault or rape.
People who are nervous about sex often turn to alcohol in order to feel more confident. However, drinking may actually make you more nervous in the long run. This is because alcohol reduces the inhibitory control in the prefrontal cortex, which can cause you to engage in riskier behaviour.
In addition, drinking can also negatively impact your intimacy during the pillow talk phase. In fact, research shows that sex when both partners are drunk can actually drive people further apart rather than closer together. So, if you’re thinking about having sex for the first time and want to stay safe, it’s best to avoid alcohol altogether. Instead, do something that makes you feel good about yourself before sex like practicing meditation or working up a sweat to build your confidence.
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