It’s a little scary to think about, but 28 percent of men admit to occasionally faking an orgasm. That’s why it’s important to know how to do it right.
Pleasure, not orgasms, should be the focus of sex, but many people put too much emphasis on orgasms in the bedroom. Here’s how to fake one without causing your partner pain.
1. Keep Your Eyes Closed
For women who struggle to experience orgasms, it can be very hard to convey to their partner that they are approaching climax. If you are attempting to fake an orgasm, keep your eyes closed and make sure that you are moving around in a very sexy manner. Writhe, push your hips up (or down if you are on top), and move all around like the people in movies do when they are about to have sex.
Sometimes women need to fake an orgasm because of sex communication problems in their relationship. According to the Archives of Sexual Behavior report mentioned above, many women who fudged their orgasms did so because they did not know how to discuss the matter with their partners. This can be a very dangerous situation because it is possible for women to end up in situations where they need to spend a lot of emotional energy trying to console their partner because of their lackluster performance in the bedroom. Pleasure, not orgasms, is the goal of sex. This is something that most of us forget.
2. Make Some Gasps
Many people fake orgasms when they’re uncomfortable or when their partner isn’t into it, but this can have a negative impact on the relationship. “Faking can make your partner think they have to orgasm all the time, and that will kill their appetite for sex slowly,” says Engle. Rather than faking an orgasm, it’s better to talk to your partner about how they feel in bed and what lubricants might help them get to the climax that they enjoy.
Moaning is a key indicator of pleasure, so if you’re attempting to fake an orgasm, try ramping up the volume and intensity. It’s important to do this gradually, though, or else you risk ratting yourself out as a faker. Moaning, coupled with a change in your breathing pattern (inhaling quickly then exhaling slowly) can be a convincing sign that you’re about to reach sexy heights. You can also try gritting your teeth, pouting, and making intense faces to up the ante. The goal is to create a full-body performance that looks as real as possible.
3. Change Your Breathing Pattern
In a world where YouTube offers detailed tutorials on everything from making a vibrator to using Astroglide alongside chicken soup and school supplies at Walmart, it can be easy to get caught up in the “fake it til you make it” mentality. But when it comes to sex, communication is key. “I would never want someone to fake an orgasm if it’s not what they feel,” sex educator Caitlin Engle tells Forbes Daily. “That’s why I recommend talking to your partner and seeing what the best approach might be.”
There is also a camp that believes faking an orgasm may lead to an actual one — sort of like reenacting the build up to climax in a way that can trigger the peaks. And some women have reported that faking an orgasm actually makes them more aroused. They suggest breathing faster, moving the hips and tensing your muscles as you fake it. It can be a little trickier to do this with a man as they tend to experience different physiological changes and psychological responses to sex.
4. Make Some Noises
Women have mastered the art of faking an orgasm, with moans, trembles and other physical signs. It is often accompanied by vocalization, such as screaming “Oh my god!” — although, as Meg Ryan demonstrated in When Harry Met Sally, this is not always necessary. A whispered moan, coupled with body movements like arching the back and writhing around can be just as convincing.
Another way to fake an orgasm is by using your hands. Scratching your partner’s back and running fingers through his hair can create a feeling of sexual tension that can be hard to resist. It is important to use these cues in conjunction with the verbal signals, as it can be easy for a man to detect if you are not being completely honest with him.
Faking an orgasm is not necessarily a bad thing, but it’s important to remember that pleasure-not orgasm-is the goal of sexual encounters. If you are not able to feel genuine pleasure, it may be best to find a home-remedy that works for you. For example, a woman who explains that her stress from work or past relationship issues can cause her to have problems reaching climax during sex, may benefit from trying different sex toys or techniques.
5. Talk To Him
While faking orgasms may be a way to validate your partner’s sexual prowess, it is ultimately not good for the relationship. It’s a lie and he will eventually find out that you aren’t faking, which can ruin the trust in your relationship. In addition, it may prevent you from being able to enjoy natural orgasms in the future.
The best way to break the habit is to communicate with your partner about how it’s impacting your sex life. While it may seem scary to talk about, it’s a necessary step in establishing a more fulfilling relationship.
If you are a woman and are struggling with faking orgasms, try to start by telling your guy that it’s important for you to feel pleasure in bed. This can give him the courage to talk about what is causing you to fake an orgasm, and you can work together to figure out a solution. This could include focusing on more intimacy in the bedroom, trying new things, or just finding ways to feel better together. If you are a man, make sure to talk about your own challenges in the sex department too and how they’re impacting your enjoyment of the relationship.
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