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How to Get Into BDSM

A LOT of people get turned on by the idea of being spanked, fucked, blindfolded and otherwise abused during a BDSM scene. But there’s more to BDSM than rough sex.

BDSM stands for Bondage/Discipline, Submission/Dominance and Sadism/Masochism and covers a broad range of kinks and activities. A BDSM scene can include anything from a simple touch to inflicting pain, or even a complete mental breakdown (also known as roaring void). Getting into BDSM involves setting limits for yourself and communicating them with your partner.

Getting Started

BDSM can be intimidating for beginners, but there are ways to ease into the kinky sexy stuff. Having on-going and open discussions with your partner about boundaries and consent is essential. It’s also a good idea to have safe words that you can use to indicate to your partner if things aren’t working.

Those who are looking to explore new sexual landscapes with their partner can start small by adding one fantasy at a time. It’s not necessary to create a Red Room of Pain a la Fifty Shades – BDSM encompasses anything from tying your partner up to tickling them with a feather. The key is to find what turns you on and go from there.

Some kinks that are often categorized as BDSM include discipline dominance, submission and sadism/masochism. This can be done in the bedroom through power play where one person (the Dom) dictates orders to the submissive. It doesn’t always have to involve sex; some Doms don’t even meet their subs physically.

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Those who are into sadism and/or masochism enjoy inflicting and receiving pain. It can be done in the form of role-playing, like pretending to be CEO of a company and telling the submissive what to do or by using objects to inflict physical pain, such as a whip. For example, a sub could be dripped with massage oil or slapped around the face with a whip.

Finding a Partner

Finding the right partner can be a huge challenge. If you’re a newbie to kink, it’s even more important to screen for a Dom or sub that will treat you with respect and not exploit you.

One way to do this is by establishing relationships in your local BDSM community. Attend munches, chat online and meet people who are already involved in the lifestyle. These interactions can lead to play dates or even long-term relationships.

Other ways to find a BDSM partner is by searching on kink websites or fetish forums. These sites can be a cesspool or a goldmine, so be careful when browsing. Read profiles carefully and be courteous in your initial messages. For example, don’t walk up to a stranger and ask them to submit or be your slave. Ask as a friend first and then mention kink in your message.

If you’re looking for a BDSM partner online, look for one who has clear kink interests in their profile and who has photos. Also, consider whether they’re compatible with you on other non-kink aspects. For instance, do they treat their friends with respect? If not, that could be a red flag. Finally, it’s a good idea to establish safe call times with your potential partners. This is a standard practice in the kink community and can help keep you safe.

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Getting Involved

Getting involved with BDSM is an exciting adventure. It can be as small as a spanking during passionate intercourse to as large as a full lifestyle of power exchange with a trusted D/s partner. It’s important to take it slow and add things in a safe, controlled way. For example, if you’re just starting out with flogging, it’s best to start with a simple whip that doesn’t hurt too much. Then you can add on later, once you feel comfortable with the sensation.

It’s also important to be aware of what BDSM actually encompasses. It’s not just about spanking, or even just kinky sex, but can include bondage, discipline, domination and sadism as well as masochism. It’s important that you and your potential partner are clear about what it is you want to do so you don’t end up in a situation that’s unsafe or that goes against your beliefs.

It’s also helpful to remember that BDSM is about power and consent. It’s not about abuse, although some aspects of BDSM may look like it to those who don’t know the community. That meek barista flogging you with a whip may enjoy inflicting pain on her bottom. That’s not something to judge, but it is a fact that you should be aware of if you are going to get involved with BDSM.

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Getting Out

One of the most important things to remember when getting into BDSM is that it should always be SSC (Safe, Sane and Consensual). Because there are real physical and mental risks associated with some kink play, having open and honest discussions about what you both enjoy and don’t want is crucial. It’s also a good idea to have a safe word to use if the situation becomes uncomfortable or dangerous.

You can use a variety of things around the house to make your own kink gear, like a wooden kitchen spoon for spanking and a pair of stockings for handcuffs. It’s also a great idea to do some research about the different types of kink you are interested in, including bondage, dominance, submission, and sadism/masochism so that you have a good understanding of what to expect.

It’s also a good idea to practice with your partner(s) before you try BDSM out with anyone else, to get a feel for the different positions and the kind of play you might enjoy. Again, you can find a lot of videos and pictures online to help. And it’s a good idea to screen for BDSM right from the start when dating someone, or at least make it clear that you are comfortable with it. Then you can negotiate what type of kink you are going to do together and what your limits are.